Under The Light Of The Moon
by lauracathrine1x
Summary: OC character Vida regrets being rescued by the Dwarves while they journeyed through Mirkwood, odd feelings ensue when Thorin starts to discover her dark secrets, and with them, begins to see her true vulnerability for the first time. *Includes mild themes of self harm and sexual attraction*
1. Chapter 1

**Under The Light Of The Moon**

**Chapter 1 **

"I am a human, from the kingdom of men." I said to myself as I sat with my back against the silver bark of a tall tree. "I posses no measure of exceptional talent except for fighting, and my very weakness is womanhood. An inescapable torture…" I looked upwards, to where the cold pale moon towered before me, a large milky jewel set into the deep velvety expanse of the night sky. No clouds could be seen hiding the details above me, the tiny gem like stars glittered for miles and miles. I began to feel smaller than I ever had. The company of Dwarves I travelled from Mirkwood with did not want me, they pitied my femininity, my feeble identity. I rued the day they found me in that wretched forest, I wished they had left me entombed in the horrid spiders nest in which they discovered me.

It seemed a while passed as I sat there, away from where the group slept, the breeze becoming colder and turning my cheeks pink. I had faded into a world with one urge at its centre, vaster than all Middle Earth. Without thinking I unsheathed the dagger on my belt, pressing the cold steal blade to my forearm. It was a natural reflex. "I deserve this, I belong nowhere, not even with my own kin, I am a woman, I was made to suffer." I thought, the words soothing me, the sick excitement building. I made the first shallow slice into the warm, soft, pale skin. My eyes closed and I felt so tranquil. "What are you doing?" A deep male voice asked roughly behind me. My blood ran cold. I had heard no-one approach me. I pulled my sleeve down quickly, throwing the dagger on the ground then scrabbling up and turning to face the origin of the voice. I stopped breathing for a second. The leader of the company stepped forth and asked me insistently "I said, what are you doing girl?" His cold blue eyes were narrowed in warning. "I – Don't address me like a child! I was doing nothing!" I replied defensively. For a moment he looked shocked that I had answered him back. "You lie." He said, as if this affected him in some way. "Do you not think I have seen the blade, and your foolish actions!" he went on. Foolish… Foolish… I repeated it in my own mind. "Thorin I…" I tried to speak. "Show me your arm, show me." His voice softened, quieter now. I looked him in the eyes, the blue was no longer cold, but seemed to make me feel warm inside, it was an uncomfortable sensation. Holding out my arm hesitantly I realised I was trembling. He had to have seen it too as he took my petite wrist in his hand. It was big and his skin was warm enough to make me feel safe in his gentle grip. With the other hand he pulled up my sleeve, exposing the small yet tender wound. He ran his thumb across it, making me gasp in pain. I looked away, trying to stop my tears from welling up and spilling onto my face. I had to remain strong, the way I always presented myself, no matter what I felt inside. I failed, again. The tears grazed my cheeks as I began to confess. "All I am good for is fighting, look at me, how pathetic I am, you pity me, I'm sure of it, I'm afflicted by a vile disease, by this plague of womanhood…" I could no longer bare to be near him. Power surrounded and encapsulated him in a way I had never seen before, he would never understand. He wasn't like me. "It is your turn to look at me." He said, in a tone I'd never heard him use. I did so, his expression no longer a hardened mask of disapproval, he looked at me very seriously but his lips twitched at the corners as if to smile, this action looked odd on him and it calmed me. "Come to me." He said. "Why?" I asked, eying him with suspicion. I walked forth, and he gathered me up into his arms, holding me firmly. "Because when a friend is in need, its dishonourable to let then feel alone." Thorin's voice rumbled near my ear, it made me feel safe. I'd never felt safe near a male before. My height of only 5"1 ensured that we were similarly matched, only _I _was slender where _he_ was strong and firm, besides, he was tall for a Dwarf. One side of my face nestled on the thick fur collar of his outer coat, the other side was against his neck. He smelled so earthy and masculine, unexpectedly the soft wavy tendrils of his dark hair smelled of burnt firewood and musk. This made me tingle somewhere I never expected. Which worried me. "A friend?" I asked, unsure. "Of course a friend, you have already helped to save several lives among us. We have all seen your pure heart and unfortunately self deprecating nature." He replied, holding me tighter then letting me go. "I – I don't know what to say…" I whispered in response. A deep melancholy laugh rumbled quietly in his chest. "Say nothing, for even the bravest fighters can carry the deepest pain within." There was a loaded beat of silence in which I wondered what he was thinking. Thorin became serious again, a true leader. "No more tonight, now off to rest, go back to camp." He commanded. I did as I was bid. Although I thought it strange that he did not return until dawn threatened to break along the skyline.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

An almost sleeplessly cold night ended as I lay next to the campfire, I shifted uncomfortably on my rough hewn blanket. My whole body ached and lack of rest drained my energy before I had even got up. I raised my head, dark blonde hair falling into my eyes. I brushed it away. The Halfling, Bilbo held up a hand in greeting and smiled at me faintly. I had spoken to him often since my rescue, but I had never ventured to ask why he seemed troubled in quieter moments, or why his hand constantly fiddled with something unseen in his waistcoat. I realised that the Dwarves around us had cleared the camp and were stuffing supplies into their packs, and strapping weapons to their belts, then fastening them securely. They had left me to sleep longer than usual. "They plan to leave you." I couldn't help thinking. I didn't want to be left alone, not now. My eyes scanned the group, looking for comfort. Thorin was a little way off, speaking to Balin, whom had his back to me. They seemed deep in conversation, too sombre for it to be an ordinary chat between old friends. We caught each others eye for a moment too long, it made my body feel incredibly strange. He looked bad tempered and it made me turn away. My heart sank, but I was foolish to think his discovery last night would change anything. He had called me a friend… Something about that made me uneasy. I wanted him closer, yet I was uncomfortable at the idea of feeling safe with him near. I hardly knew him, who was I to feel that way?

I tried to put all thoughts of Thorin out of my mind as I took some of the supplies from my pack. Stomach rumbling painfully as I devoured my seeded bread. It was a little dry, but went well with the cheese I'd saved in a fresh cloth. "E-excuse me, Vida?" I looked up to find Bilbo standing before me. "Yes?" I smiled. "I know its not of my concern, but, I, I noticed you wondered off last night… I, I don't mean to pry." He replied quietly, cautious not to be overheard. "Ohh, yes, I'm sorry if I woke you. I just needed to walk, couldn't sleep…" came my suspicious reply. Bilbo looked at me searchingly, choosing his next words with great care. "Are you alright? Only you look, different." He said. I couldn't help but laugh. "How so? Have I grown another head?" I giggled. His face relaxed and he chuckled good-naturedly, it was a jolly sound which lifted my spirits. "You don't sleep very well either?" I asked. He considered this for a long moment. "Not that I'd shout about it, but yes, I miss my soft bed and my little house under the hill, greatly." He looked deeply sad as we sat in silence, then suddenly puffed his chest out in a determined stance. "No matter, I signed up for this quest, and I aim to complete it, if I can." He announced in hushed tones. Their quest. I'd forgotten. I looked once more over to where Thorin stood, my eyes lingered on him, he was incredibly handsome in the dewy light of early morn. "No!" I thought to myself, shocked. I tried to turn away. I was being far too obvious. Bilbo had seen the direction of my gaze. "Thorin went for a walk, after dark…" Bilbo said slowly, insinuating I knew exactly what he meant. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks, hoping against hope that they weren't beginning to blush. "What are you trying to _say_ Bilbo?" I shot back defensively. His eyes widened, as if his suspicions were confirmed. "Nothing, nothing, nothing at all." He lowered his head. "You observe far too closely with your keen eyes, you see things which are not there." I said quietly while stuffing my scratchy blanket into the pack. "Come on. I'm sure something is missing." I gestured towards his own possessions laying on the floor at the other side of the burned out fire.

I walked swiftly to where the Dwarves were gathering at the edge of the clearing, I focused upon my boots, so I didn't have to look at anyone directly. "Nice that you saw fit to join us." Said Thorin sarcastically. Balin stepped aside and gave him a reproachful glare, then turned and greeted me kindly "Good morning lassy." At least two of the group appeared positive. "Go on, we head east! Fili, Kili, lead from the front!" Thorin shouted. He walked towards me and held out my sword, Tracer. I had known something was missing! "Take this. Be careful." His words had hidden meaning. Open mouthed in outrage I closed my fist around the hilt, his hand moulded around mine, holding it in place tightly. "You took it, how dare you take a woman's sword?" I challenged. His pressure on my hand ceased all too quickly and his stare became intense. "You were safer without it, it eased my mind." Came his frank reply. I stormed off ahead of him, angry and hurt that he had taken away my only protection without my even noticing. Breaking into a run I caught up with the group, still holding the hilt of Tracer with an unsatisfied desperation. As I slowed Thorin thundered past me to move ahead of our number. I was at the very back, great.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

Each one of my footfalls caused my sleeve to rub painfully against the still fresh wound on my arm. The soft skin had begun to feel inflamed. "If it is left to bleed much longer it will become infected." I thought, beginning to panic. A cold icy sensation trickled down my spine. I needed help and I couldn't ask for it. I couldn't explain that the increasing pain helped to heal something inside of me. That my blood soaking through the material that covered it made me feel alive. That the friction against me kept opening the wound _again_ and _again_. Still I walked on.

The group had mingled now, covering plenty of ground. I was still at the back but Fili and Kili no longer lead. I looked across at the Archer, Kili, as he scouted for threats on both sides of us, bow in hand. "Alright?" he asked, only just noticing me. "What? Ohh, yes thank you." I said, trying to muster a weak smile. "It's just, you look really pale. Are you sure you're okay?" he hedged. "I – I'm fine, really, just tired." I replied. Bilbo must have heard, he turned and looked at me meaningfully. He was perceptive, and had a good heart, that much I could tell already. But he noticed _too_ much, it made me nervous.

After a while my legs began to slow, it felt strange that the woodland around us had hushed, in a muted calm. An unnatural calm. I had a sudden urge to grip Tracer's silver leather-bound hilt tighter. I stopped dead, heart beating louder and louder, blocking out all else. A creeping sensation wound its way through my limbs. Not wanting to trust my instincts, I turned cautiously, the second's defied time as I looked over my shoulder. My fears were confirmed. Far off I saw them, bloodthirsty and wild. "Orc pack!" I screamed. I was sure they had followed us, but not by sight. Silence cracked, and shattered around us. The terrible screeching cries and barks of huge Wargs reached us and clung in our ears from a mile away. Everyone turned, shouted to one another, then ran for cover in a denser patch of trees. The ground beneath my feet started to vibrate as the enemy approached. It shocked me and set me off balance. I made it to the thicker shadier foliage and smacked into what I perceived to be a solid unbreakable Dwarf sized rock. Except the rock grabbed me around the waist and pulled me against it from behind, a steady hand clapping over my mouth as I struggled. I caught Thorin's calming musky smell as he shushed me. I tried hard to keep my body still, ears alert, but his strong heartbeat thumping against my back was a distraction for me. Once again I tingled unbearably, half desiring to writhe away but we couldn't risk being seen. The Wargs sped like daggers through the air along the woodland path we had just walked. There were sighs of relief around us as they passed by at speed. That second of calm was short lived. A solitary Warg could be heard sniffing around the path we had taken. It's rider muttering in Black Speech. Fear coiled around my heart like a viper, stopping my breath. Thorin's arm tightened around me, drawing me in. I gripped his big forearm to steady myself. Could the evil creature smell my blood? A bone chilling roar of a far off Orc seemed to end the beast's search and the sound of its huge paws immediately pounded away into the distance. "Is it gone?" whispered Dori from behind a huge tree stump. "If we follow that path we'll be run down by Orc's!" Dwalin warned menacingly. I freed myself and leaned against a fir tree, exhaling deeply. When I moved I realised with horror that I was wet and slippery somewhere far too intimate to think about. I looked at Thorin as a debate over directions raged. He had no idea what he had done to me, or that the way I responded to being against his body was wrong. I was angry at myself, the way my own body had betrayed me. I deserved pain. I decided to deal with my thoughts later. Instead I focused on the matter at hand. We had to find a different route, and quickly. Out of options, the company needed it's leader to speak up, and he did so. "We find another way, I've heard of a place near here that could serve us well, but be on guard, it is below ground." He ordered.


End file.
